Single Woman Shares The Most Frustrating Thing Her ‘Taken Friends’ Do
The main complaint cited below are friends and family (especially married ones) who define you solely by your single status.
It does feel dehumanizing to be around friends or family who only see you in regards to your romantic life (or lack there-of) – they do not see you as a whole person. They don’t ask about your hobbies, career, or pets or anything not having to do with dating. It can be annoying.
Some married friends will pry into your dating life, because they sadly and infuriatingly view your struggles with dating and having to date weirdos as being a form of entertainment – your struggles are a source or amusem*nt for them, which hurts and can be insulting.
What I don’t think the page below addresses which I will – a huge pet peeve of mine, as a never married woman, going back years of my friends who are in marriages, or other steady relationships, who are bad about returning phone calls, e-mails, or texts, they seldom contact me, I am always having to initiate contact – and once I do, they may take their sweet, sweet time replying.
These are the friends who are married or who have a boyfriend, so they feel FINE blowing me off.
However!!, the moment their husband (or boyfriend) gets deployed (he’s in the military) and gets sent out of country for a year or more, or, if he has to go on a two week long business trip, these are the SAME female friends (I’ve also had a few male ones pull this), who start contacting me ALL THE TIME while their significant other is out of town.
They cannot get enough of me at that point, now that they’re all alone because the boyfriend, husband, or wife is temporarily away for weeks, months, or a year plus.
Suddenly, they are calling or texting all the freaking time, wanting to chat or go to the movies or restaurants with me.
But the moment their S.O. returns to town, they put me on the “back burner” again, they once more blow off my phone calls or texts and get lazy about replying. They stop inviting me out or over as much – if at all.
I do NOT expect any married friends of mine to spend as much time with me as they do their spouse, but when you’re a single adult over the age of 25, you can damn well easily notice when you become nothing but a convenient “fall back plan” for your married friends (or the ones with boyfriends), and it is insulting AF.
When I’ve found myself in those situations, I’ve sometimes taken my sweet, sweet time responding to THEIR texts and phone calls or even turning them down, claiming I am so sorry, but no, I cannot make it out to the movies this weekend – this is whether their partner is at home or is away, which ever it may be.
The older I get – and I have boundaries now – I do not permit people to take advantage of me. I do not put up with one-sided relationships anymore, where people take me for granted and act like I am like their “second banana” option to only call when their sweetie is away.
(Link): Single Woman Shares The Most Frustrating Thing Her ‘Taken Friends’ Do
Your value as a person should never stem from your relationship status.
by Zayda Slabbekoorn
April 22, 2024
Despite positive discourse and empowering stories about singlehood, it can still be a touchy topic,especially with the resurgence of so many traditionalist values, patriarchal standards, and impossibly high expectations for women in relationships.
Everyone has their own struggles —whether you’re in a committed relationship or not —but the envy of singlehood has completely transformed in a way that’s become “demeaning” for many single people today.Meg Smart on TikTokexplained, “I’m not interested in dating at the moment …but what’s so frustrating is that everyone wants to move my life along faster than I do.”
Not only are single people feeling the pressure to share their intimate dating lives and experiences with their friends in committed relationships as entertainment, but they’re also feeling a harmful sense of jealousy over the freedom, happiness, and empowerment afforded by their relationship status.
Smart shared the most frustrating thing her ‘taken friends’ do: ‘Stop assuming that everything in my life has to do with a man.’
When it comes tobeing the single girl in her group of friends, Smart feels a little lonely— and a lot exploited. “It’s horrible that I feel like I can’t talk to anyone or mention a man’s name in a conversation without them assuming that we’re talking, dating, or that I like them,” she tearfully shared.
“You can see it on their face … you can hear it in their voice. I’m not your entertainment.”
Not only do Shanvan’s ‘taken friends’ push her to pursue men when they’re in public, but they inherently assume she’s always ‘chasing a man.’
Feeling seen by Smart’s post, Shanvan continued, “They ask me if I’ve been on any dates lately; if I have any horror stories. ‘Can I swipe through your Hinge?’… and call me overdramatic; call me sensitive, whatever. But I’m not your court jester. I’m not here to provide you cuffed-up people with entertainment.”
Her hot take on the overarching issue: jealousy and envy. Shanvan suggestedthat her friends’ relationships aren’t providing healthy, quality alone time or fulfillment in the same way her singlehood is.
Even for women who are engaged in “the chase” or are actively looking for a partner, it should never be the “most interesting” thing about them.
It’s not just the act of asking these questions or demanding a blow-by-blow of life as a single personthat’s bothersome. It’s the intention that some friends set behind it.Relationship statusbecomes the focal point of every conversation and interaction.
Not only does the discourse feel superficial, but these single women argue that it’s ‘demeaning.’
It’s become an unspoken rule that singlehood is not a choice and that people are desperate, lonely, or sad when they’re single instead of empowered and joyful. Sincesinglehood is considered societally inferiorto committed relationships, this unspoken rule slowly integrates itself into your relationships with others — whether it be parents, friends, or people in your community.
So, instead of starting a conversation with your friend by asking about their dating life, ask them something about themselves. Cultivate a space where they can be empowered in their identity, growth, and happiness rather thantheir dating life. They’ll let you know when they’re ready to talk about their relationship status.
Related:
(Link):Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)
(Link):Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway
(Link): That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m NotMarried
(Link): To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)
(Link):Acceptance (vs. Denial, Anger, or Should-ing) – Helps in Healing and Getting Through Painful Events and Dealing With Things You Cannot Change
(Link):Divorce Lawyer Reveals Why Getting Married in Your 20s is a Big Mistake by T. Knight
(Link):Supporting Singles and How Churches Can Help Singles Get Married – Lessons from Match-Making by B. Lea
(Link):Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.
(Link):Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail
(Link):Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch
(Link): What I Wish the Church Knew About Singles by Elizabeth Riese
(Link):Only Couples Allowed? The Need to Celebrate Singleness in the Church by P. Greer
(Link): Older Adults Who Never Got Married Are Revealing The “Myths” About Being Single Later In Life That More People Should Know
(Link):Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): Typical Conservative Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough (or at all), Mr. Right will magically appear
Single Woman Shares The Most Frustrating Thing Her ‘Taken Friends’ Do
— YourTango (@YourTango) April 24, 2024
